My husband and I had been together for over a decade when I decided to resurrect something I'd read years ago: a viral essay about a psychologist who used 36 questions to make strangers fall in love with each other. One evening, sitting on our roof with our phones, I started asking him the questions without warning.
"Would you like to be famous? In what way?" I asked. He answered, then I shared mine. We kept going through "Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?" and "What is your most terrible memory?" By the time we got to "What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?", he had figured out what I was doing, but we continued anyway.
We moved inside as it got cooler, and by the time we finished the final prompt, I felt something shift. Here was someone I knew better than almost anyone, yet we were still discovering new layers. Some of his answers felt like old familiar territory, but others genuinely surprised me. When we finished, he said simply: "That was great," and I completely agreed.
The experience taught me something valuable: questions matter. Those 36 questions were designed to engineer connection between strangers, but they reignited something in a relationship that had years of history. The act of asking, listening, responding, and comparing answers creates genuine intimacy in a way that passive entertainment never can.
If you're looking for a night in that doesn't involve scrolling through streaming services or the usual dinner routine, consider playing Would You Rather with your partner. The questions can range from absurd to deeply personal, from playful to serious. Start with the silly ones and work your way to the ones that actually matter. Here's where to begin.
Testing the Serious Stuff
Would you rather go back in time so you could know me longer, or spend more time with me now? Would you rather hold my hand for four hours straight every day or never hold it again? Would you rather get flowers every week or diamonds every two years?
These questions reveal what your partner actually values about your relationship, stripped of the everyday noise. Other meaningful ones include: Would you rather get a good morning text or a good night text? Would you rather support your partner's dream of becoming an influencer, or have your partner be out of work? Would you rather marry someone who never organized the dishwasher the way you liked it or never marry at all?
Go deeper with questions about boundaries and beliefs. Would you rather raise your child to be moderately religious in a religion you don't practice, or intensely religious in your chosen religion? Would you rather only be able to cry in front of other people, or only alone? Would you rather have no emotions or be able to deeply feel every little thing?
The life philosophy questions often spark unexpected conversations. Would you rather be 45 minutes early to every appointment or 45 minutes late? Would you rather lose your most cherished memory, or know that you'd already had your happiest moment in life? Would you rather know how you're going to die or know how your partner is going to die?
When You Want to Keep It Light
Not every question needs to be weighty. Silly questions can be just as revealing and definitely more fun. Would you rather wear sweatpants for the rest of your life, including to funerals and weddings, or have to wear sequins to everything? Would you rather have every meal be a little too spicy or a little too sweet?
Other playful ones: Would you rather be able to speak every language in the world or know how to talk to animals? Would you rather burp butterflies or fart glitter? Would you rather not shower for a week or not brush your teeth for a week?
Then there are the questions designed to spark debate and laughter. Would you rather eat out for every meal or cook every meal? Would you rather have a ton of debt but a really high salary, or no debt but lower pay? Would you rather have a job you love with low earning potential or a job you hate that makes you rich?
The beauty of this game is that there's no wrong way to play. Some couples will find themselves laughing through the absurd scenarios. Others will stumble onto conversations they didn't realize they needed to have. Either way, you're learning something new about someone you thought you already knew completely.
What surprised me most wasn't the individual answers. It was the realization that after years together, there were still mysteries left to uncover between us. That feeling of being newly in love, of discovering something unexpected about someone familiar, is worth carving out time for. The game itself becomes less important than the fact that you chose to sit down and really listen to each other.
Author Jessica Williams: "This works because it forces you to actually pay attention to your partner's mind, not just their company, and that's something most couples desperately need."
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