The mental health crisis among American teenagers has reached alarming proportions, with more than 40% reporting persistent sadness or hopelessness. A clinical psychologist at Weill Cornell Medicine argues that the solution may lie not in new interventions, but in reviving a family structure that has quietly eroded over decades: the active presence of grandparents.
Kenneth Barish, a clinical professor and Fellow of the American Psychological Association, contends that the modern nuclear family, isolated from extended relatives and community networks, represents a radical departure from how humans have historically raised children. "We did not evolve to raise children with as little extended family and community support as most American parents have now," Barish says. "Children need grandparents, and they always have."
Drawing on 40 years of clinical work and recent neuroscience research, Barish has written a new book arguing that grandparents can provide what he calls "molecules of emotional health" - small but powerful moments of listening, encouragement, and genuine understanding that fortify a child's emotional resilience. These interactions matter precisely because they counter a deeper cultural shift.
The Achievement Trap
Over the past several decades, American culture has undergone a fundamental reordering of values. Where extended families once emphasized connection and collective well-being, the focus has narrowed to individual accomplishment at any cost. This shift has concrete consequences.
"Over several decades, America has increasingly become a society of I, not We," Barish explains. "In many families and communities, preoccupation with individual achievement has eroded the values of kindness and caring in the lives of our children." Research links this pressure to spike rates of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse, particularly in affluent households where competitive pressure runs highest.
The irony is that achievement alone fails as a motivator. "Individual achievement alone is a fragile source of motivation and effort, with a high cost in anxiety and stress," Barish writes. Psychologist Jane Piliavin's review of the evidence suggests that helping others produces the opposite effect: higher self-esteem, lower depression rates, better school attendance, improved immune function, and even longer life spans.
Barish recommends families volunteer together and begin conversations about empathy and service early in childhood. "These conversations strengthen a child's sense of meaning and purpose. They are just as important as making sure kids have done their homework and correcting their mistakes, maybe more," he says.
What Grandparents Actually Provide
The specific value of grandparents lies in their capacity to listen without immediately fixing or correcting. A child who knows that someone will truly hear them, who won't dismiss their struggles as trivial, develops what Barish calls a "confident expectation" that their problems can be solved and their feelings will pass.
"More than anything else, children need someone in their life who listens, who helps them feel less alone, and who teaches them that problems can be solved, relationships can be repaired, and bad feelings do not last forever," Barish explains. Beyond conversation, he emphasizes the importance of play, shared enjoyment, and genuine enthusiasm for what children care about.
In his clinical practice, Barish has identified a pattern most parents and grandparents don't recognize: the widespread damage caused by excessive criticism. Well-meaning family members often underestimate how much harm frequent corrections inflict.
"The most common problem I see in my work with families is not too much praise, but too much criticism," he states. "Criticism does not motivate children to work harder. Instead, frequent criticism breeds resentment and defiance, and undermines children's initiative and effort."
When praise does occur, it matters how it's delivered. Drawing on Carol Dweck's growth mindset research, Barish urges adults to praise effort and learning rather than inherent talent. The difference is not semantic: it shapes whether children believe their abilities can improve or are fixed from birth.
Behavior management, Barish argues, works better through collaborative problem-solving and giving children chances to "reset" rather than through punishment. The underlying principle is that children thrive when they feel capable and connected, not when they're corrected into submission.
Ultimately, Barish's message unsettles conventional wisdom. Raising emotionally healthy children requires less focus on teaching specific skills and far more on building deep relationships. "Our children will then work harder, bounce back more quickly, show more caring and kindness toward others, and pursue interests with greater enthusiasm, commitment, and sense of purpose," he writes.
Author Jessica Williams: "The revival of grandparents in children's lives isn't nostalgia or sentiment, it's practical medicine for a mental health emergency caused by isolation."
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